Actress in the Mirror
by Ayumi3
Summary: Chapter 10 is up! The 1st half is written through Rinoa's POV as she is sent to see the psychiatrist. Also, who is it that Fujin sees with Seifer?
1. Goodbye

Disclaimer: Yeah so I don't own Final Fantasy or Square so none of these characters are my creations. Seeing as this is loosely based upon the anime Perfect Blue I suppose I should say that I have nothing to do with that either. Well read on and hopefully it should get better.  
  
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Actress in the Mirror  
  
Chapter One - Goodbye  
  
The small crowd had neatly gathered into the tiny theatre which was situated in the north west of Deling City. It consisted mainly of young children with their parents along with teenagers and people who were just curious to find out how good the performers and the performance really were. A nervous young woman peered out at them from behind the curtain.  
  
"Wow, this is the biggest crowd we have ever had!" She exclaimed.  
  
She felt an arm wrap itself around her neck and a masculine hand pulled on her cheek. Turning to look she could see that it was the director of the play. He seemed as jolly as ever and she could not help but smile at his cheery nature until he blew the smoke from his cigar into her face.  
  
"Come on Snow White," he bellowed, "it's time for your big speech. Get it done quick and we can be out of here in about 2 hours."  
  
The actress did not share in his enthusiasm for getting the play over and done with as soon as possible. Yes, they had been acting it out for three months now but this was going to be her final performance with the group. Perhaps even her last performance forever. After this she was going to go home, give up her acting career, just so she could spend more time with her boyfriend and all of her friends. She fixed the headband in her hair and stood in the middle of the stage, waiting patiently for the curtains to rise. Glancing at the wings she saw her colleagues smiling at her and a few even gave her the thumbs up sign. This made her feel a little better. She could not understand why she was so nervous, she was fine when acting normally.  
  
"Good luck," the director smiled.  
  
The curtains seemed to fly up past her and all she could see were seats full of smiling people. Some of the children seemed a little restless but a lot of the young girls stared in awe at the beautiful dress which was right in front of their very eyes. The actress with long, raven black hair slowly walked towards the front.  
  
"Ahem," she started. "Hi. A lot of you may not know me. I'm Rinoa, Rinoa Heartilly. Today is going to be my last performance at the Dominion Theatre. I'm leaving the group and I may not be coming back. As I'm leaving this is going to be the last time we show Snow White. I'm the only one with black hair," she joked. There were a few weak laughs in the audience but she did not mind too much. "So anyway on with the show! And seeing as this is my last performance I'm going to give it my all and make sure this evening goes out with a bang! Thank you and enjoy it!"  
  
The audience clapped as she walked out into the wings. All but one, a figure sitting in the corner of the back row was not entirely pleased with what had just been said. He ran his fingers over a scar which ran through his forehead and scowled. He knew exactly where she would be going and why.  
  
  
  
***  
  
The classroom on the second floor of Balamb Garden was totally quiet. The class had long since left and all that remained was the woman who had taught it. She was busy writing a few notes about what had gone on and how well the class had behaved for its usual teacher. After all, she was not officially an instructor at the Garden anymore but would often stand in when a tutor was either sick or away. She quickly finished her last sentence and grabbed her coat. She was supposed to be meeting a friend at the car park where they would then go off to Balamb Town. Making sure her glasses were straight and her hair was not a mess she opened the door and was surprised to see her 'date' standing in the doorway. He looked as though he had been meaning to knock but was not sure if he really wanted to.  
  
"Well this is a pleasant surprise," she smiled. "I thought we were supposed to meet at the car park."  
  
He barged past and could not face looking at her. She knew something was wrong and her heart sank as she realised what it was. A small tear escaped from her eye but she quickly wiped it away so that he would not notice. She placed a hand on top of his shoulder. The leather jacket was cold. Funny, she thought, he had once given it to her to keep her warm.  
  
"Squall, is Rinoa, is she coming back?" she finally asked after minutes of silence.  
  
Squall took a while to answer and when he did it was just a nod. The ex- instructor tried to keep herself from bursting into tears but it was just too hard. They came gushing out in an instant and there nothing she could do to stop them.  
  
"Quistis." He was not too sure how he was supposed to comfort her but he walked forward and wiped away her tears.  
  
"Well that's it then," she gulped. "This is the end."  
  
"No. No Quistis it doesn't have to be this way surely," Squall protested.  
  
"I couldn't do that to Rinoa. I think it's best for everyone if we finish."  
  
"You mean break up?"  
  
"Were we actually ever going out?!" she demanded angrily. "Squall we were having an affair! I can't let Rinoa get hurt and neither should you. Do you even still love her?"  
  
"I don't know," he admitted quietly.  
  
That was all Quistis could take. It suddenly dawned upon her that what they were doing was not as innocent as it had once seemed. With Rinoa away she had felt more happy than ever before. Being with Squall made her feel loved. Now she just felt dirty and sick. Opening up the door she beckoned for him to leave. As he slowly wandered aimlessly down the hall she felt a large amount of emotional pain rise up in her.  
  
"Goodbye," she whispered. 


	2. Mixed Emotions

Author's Note: ~*~ basically means that it is a flashback. OK bye! ^_^

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Actress in the Mirror

Chapter Two - Mixed Emotions

The station at Balamb was silent apart from the odd seagull squawking every now and again. The station master took out the pocket watch which had been residing neatly in the top pocket of his dark green jacket. The train was ten minutes late after breaking down in Timber. The sea breeze was nice and warm on this sunny afternoon and it made the air smell salty.

Two birds which had been resting upon the train tracks quickly picked themselves up and flew off into the deep blue, cloudless sky. Looking across, the station master could see that the train was fast approaching and he sighed with relief after worrying that its lateness could have disrupted the line for that day. As the wheels ground to a halt he stepped into his office for a quick cup of tea. From out of the window he spotted a beautiful young woman trying to drag a heavy case from out of the carriage. A porter rushed up to help her.

"Afternoon madam," the porter said politely. "You look like you could do with a bit of help. Let me."

Rinoa nodded and watched as the man tugged and pulled with all his might until the case was finally on the platform. He wiped his brow and she giggled whilst brushing back her hair. After thanking him she looked along the station. No Squall. She had hoped that he would come to meet her but, then again, it was not like they had made any arrangements so she should not have really expected him to be there. She was a little disappointed but was not about to let that get her down. Looking up a huge smile formed on her face. Balamb Garden was quite a sight from a distance and it looked just as glorious as ever.

"I'm home!" she yelled happily.

***

Home, was this what it was? She was not entirely sure anymore. Home was supposed to be full of love, happiness and fond memories. Right? Why was it then that the place she was used to calling 'home' was now more like a prison? Everywhere she went he was there. It had been a week since he had told her and now her heart was shattered into a million pieces. She knew she was doing the right thing and that Squall and Rinoa were obviously destined to be together. It was not right for her to just waltz right in and mess things up.

It had been almost a year now since Squall and her had started a relationship. It felt right. She had confessed her love and he had not turned her down like she thought he would have done. She always wondered what it was that had been going through his mind at the time but she had never bothered to ask. She was too scared about what his answer might be.

~*~

Rinoa had been away for almost four months now. Apparently she had managed to get herself into an amateur dramatics group and was currently rehearsing Romeo & Juliet. She sounded like she was having a great time and all of her friends were pleased for her. Well, most of them. Squall wanted to be happy for her but he was too confused. One minute she was going on about how much she loved him and the next she was gone. His life had been hell since she had decided to change her plans and at times he even wished that he had never met her.

Quistis, smartly dressed as always, was walking down the hallway towards Squall. The sound of her boots hitting the floor echoed around the walls. He was just leaning up against a wall watching her, wondering why it was that he had been waiting for her. She smiled politely as she walked past and he managed a small smile back. As she turned and went in the direction of the lift he noticed how much her SeeD uniform really suited her. This is no time to think of things like that! He thought to himself.

"Quistis! Hey Quistis!" he shouted after her.

She turned around and watched as Squall ran towards her. "What is it Squall?" she asked. "Do you want to talk to me about something?"

"Yeah," he said whilst breathing heavily. "Surprisingly enough I do."

Quistis was not used to Squall's new behaviour yet. He had been more outgoing since meeting Rinoa and even expressed his thoughts and feelings on matters. Looking at her watch she decided that she had enough time to listen to what it was that her friend wanted to talk about before heading off for lunch with Xu at the cafeteria.

"It's about Rinoa," he revealed as she closed the door of her old classroom. She still had the keys for it so she believed that no one would mind. "I really need some help."

She sighed. It always was about Rinoa these days. Everyone wanted to know what she was up to and how much fun she was having. Even being away she would manage to cause a stir on campus like the time she had managed to bag herself a line in a TV show. People would go up to Squall and say how lucky he was going out with a 'film' star. Quistis could not bear to hear that name anymore. How was it that she could still have the heart of the famous lion of Balamb Garden? Rinoa was not even there and yet she was.

"Are you listening to me?"

"What?" she said suddenly. "Oh, yeah, I'm listening. Sorry. So what is it about her that you need help with?"

"You're a girl so I thought you might understand why she's gone away."

She found that amusing. How was she to know why that little wretch had gone off to search for her dreams instead of staying with the most beautiful, considerate and sincere man there could ever be in this world? What was she to say to him? Because she is stupid? No, that would not be fair. He loved Rinoa with all his heart and she could not slate the woman he cared so much for even if she was completely jealous.

"Because Squall," she started. "Rinoa has been through a lot and maybe she just needs a little time to figure out what it is that she truly wants to do with her life. Acting may just be the thing for her and you should be proud that she's trying to get back on her feet. She won't stop loving you, you know that right?"

Squall nodded and sat on the desk. He knew that coming to Quistis would be the right thing to do. No matter what she would always manage to put his mind at ease. Yet there was still one thing that he had to get off of his chest.

"It's funny," he said a little sadly. "I know I've never been one for companionship but even when I was alone in the past I've never felt as alone as I do now. It's like a part of me is missing. Don't you ever wish for someone to come and make you complete?"

She could not believe he had just asked her that. She wanted to tell him the truth, that she loved him more than he could ever realise, but he would only reject her.

"Is that a yes?" Squall asked after he silence. "Got anyone in mind?"

"Actually I have. But I'll never have him."

"Who is it?"

She paused. Now what? She could make up a name or just say anyone who attended Garden. Would she lie? Could she?

"It's…errmm…."

She began to panic. Her hands kept fiddling with her hair and her mind was going into overdrive. This was it she had to tell him. It was either that or torture herself for the rest of her life. At least this way she would know what he thought about her.

"You."

She shut her eyes, not wanting to see his reaction. Opening them up a little she watched as he smiled and walked up to her. His gloved hand slowly caressed her soft cheek as he bent down and kissed her. Quistis was in shock. Had that really happened? She wanted to ask him why he had done that but as she never wanted him to question his actions she let it be.

~*~

"Why Quistis?! Why didn't you stop me?!" Squall yelled as he threw the bin across his room. It crashed against the door and the waste inside it scattered everywhere.

He banged his fist on the wall and rubbed away the tears which were forming in his eyes. What was it that had made him kiss her and start the affair? Sometimes he was not so sure himself. Often he would blame it on the fact that Rinoa was not there and he was an emotional wreck. Would his loneliness really be the one reason why he did that? All he knew was that it felt right and it still did. With Rinoa coming back he knew that he had to think quickly. Did he love her or Quistis?


	3. Getting Back On Track

Disclaimer on Chapter One

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Actress in the Mirror

Chapter Three - Getting Back on Track

Zell and Selphie were both sitting on the unfinished stage in the quad. There were tools scattered around and a ladder was leaning up against a wall. The pair were not talking to each other, yet Selphie was humming a tune which was getting on Zell's nerves. It sounded as though there was no end to it and her head was bobbing along in rhythm.

"Will you stop that!" he finally yelled.

She frowned at him and poked her tongue out in a playful manner. "You could have asked nicely Zelly."

He sighed and leaned upon his hand. If there was one thing he hated more than her annoying song then it was that name. It made him sound like a kid and he liked to argue that he was anything but.

"You wanna know what I'm thinking?" Selphie spoke this question in such a way that it showed he did not have a choice. "I'm thinking that you've become way too serious. What happened to the good old days when all you cared about was hot dogs?"

"I had one," Zell replied flatly.

"Yeah but still, I think it's weird how we've all changed!" she said. "I mean, ever since you became a teacher you've become, well, old. Squall is much more talkative now and it's like Quistis has taken over his place. Have you noticed her?"

"Wha-what's that supposed to mean?!" he asked, looking rather flustered.

"She's so much more distant. I have a feeling that a man is involved somehow."

There was not enough time for Zell to protest about this remark as Irvine came walking in holding a bunch of flowers. A huge grin appeared on Selphie's face as soon as she saw them but she was going to be disappointed. They were not for her but for Rinoa. Irvine had bought them for Squall to give to her but Squall was not there.

"No Squall?" he asked, rather bewildered at this fact.

"No," Selphie pouted.

"No Quistis either," Zell added. "I don't know what they're doing but they're really cutting it fine. Rinoa is going to be here any minute."

Irvine let out a tiny smile and Zell began to wish that he had not said anything. The cowboy sharpshooter strolled up to him and placed an arm around his shoulder.

"So….?"

"Look, I haven't had enough time," Zell admitted quickly.

"Not enough time?!" Irvine asked quite angrily. "Zell you have to do it! You only have five more days!"

Selphie, who was now also standing, could make neither head nor tail of what they were talking about. She knew that in five days time it was the charity ball so she guessed that it had something to do with that.

"Is she not here yet?"

Squall was standing in the entrance and was obviously enquiring about Rinoa. Selphie shook her head and wondered if she really did just see a look of a relief on his face. Irvine gave him the flowers and explained the reason behind them but Squall did not look happy.

"So…err…..isn't Quistis with you?" Zell asked.

Squall took a while to answer and in the end just told them that she was too busy and would catch up with Rinoa later. He knew that there was no chance of her showing up. She did not want to see either him or Rinoa.

Selphie caught a glimpse of something blue standing a couple of meters behind Squall and she smiled the biggest smile ever.

"RINOA!" she ran up to her and gave her a hug.

Rinoa smiled at everyone who was there and slowly walked up to Squall who quietly handed her Irvine's flowers. She gave him a quick kiss on the lips as a thanks and then hugged him tightly.

"I've missed you so much," she whispered. He did not say anything but his warm embrace was good enough for her. She did not want him to let go.

Irvine shoved Zell to the side a little and made a signal for him to leave. Zell knew there would be no way of him getting out of it and he wished that he had never told the guy.

"Hey, guys," he said, getting everyone's attention. "I've just got to go talk to Quistis about something so I'll meet up with you later."

He turned to go and as he left he heard both Selphie and Rinoa make a couple of small jokes about this. He wondered who he was doing this for, him or Irvine? Ever since he had confided in him all he would do was give him stupid advice. Just because he saw himself as a chick magnet it did not mean he was an expert on women.

Zell's pace seemed to have quickened as he walked out of the quad and towards the dormitories. He just wanted to get this over and done with. All he had to say was "do you want to go to the ball with me?" but even that was going to be quite hard.

A group of female students were hanging around in the hall outside of Quistis' dorm just talking. He knocked on the door slowly and waited anxiously for her to greet him. As the door slid open he tried to say hi but all that came out was a small grunt.

"Zell? What are you doing here?" Quistis asked.

"Well, I-I-I wanted to ask you something. In private," he added quickly, remembering about the girls behind him.

She let him in and he was a little confused. She did not appear to be busy like Squall had said.

"So what is it?" she smiled sweetly and his heart skipped a beat.

"I just wondered if…you know the ball…I wanted to know…who are you going with?" he finally managed to get something out though it had not been what he had rehearsed.

Quistis was quiet for a short while as she thought of what to say. "To be honest Zell," she replied quietly, "I don't really feel like going this year. Too many couples, it's a bit depressing eh?"

"Oh," Zell tried not to show his disappointment. "OK that's fine."

"Was there anything else?"

"Nothing that I can think of," he said quickly as he rushed to the door.

"But I'd probably say yes if someone asked me," she revealed.

He smiled. "I'll meet you here at seven then." Within an instant he was gone. Probably needed some air, Quistis thought. The poor guy.

She sat on her bed and thought about what she had just done. It would be good for her, she knew that. No matter how hard it was going to be she needed to forget about Squall and her love for him. This was going to be the start.


	4. The Posse

Disclaimer on 1st chapter.

Author's Note: The story should begin to develop more quickly in the next few chapters. These first few have just been to introduce the characters and their thoughts and feelings within this story.

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Actress In The Mirror

Chapter Four - The Posse

The bar was jam packed as it usually was on a Saturday night. Most of the people there were young as they were SeeDs from Balamb Garden and the rest were just locals who lived in Balamb Town.

Perched up at the bar and sipping her drink was Fujin. She was standing on her own but Raijin was not too far away as he had just quickly gone to the toilet. She was deep in thought and so did not notice when a young male sat on the stool which was next to her. He ordered a drink and she sighed to herself as her thoughts led her to Seifer. He had been away for some time even though he had told both her and Raijin that he was only going to be gone for a couple of weeks. Those two weeks quickly turned into three months and she missed him like hell. Sure, it was fun being with Raijin but it just was not the same.

"Hey, what are you drinking? I'll get you another."

The man next to her prodded her arm and she turned to see a familiar face. She tried not to smile but it was a difficult task.

"SEIFER."

There was a slight hint of emotion shown in her voice when she uttered his name. It was something which she never usually did, emotions were what she often liked to hide.

"So," Seifer said. "Where's Raijin?"

"BATHROOM." She answered, acting as if there were not a million questions which she wanted to ask him about his disappearance. She knew that it was probably going to be something which he would like to remain a mystery, like what happened between him and Rinoa that summer.

There was a pause as the pair did not know what to say to the other. These were the things she had missed, just her and him with no Raijin in the background chattering away like he always did.

Taking another sip of her drink she spotted him making his way towards them. He had noticed that the posse's 'leader' was there. Seifer, who had noticed Raijin also, gave a little smirk as he saw the eagerness to speak to him on the guy's face.

"Seifer!" Raijin yelled out happily. "Where ya been?"

Fujin gave him a penetrating stare with her one eye. It was cold and Raijin sensed that maybe it was something which he should not have asked. Still, Seifer did not seem too bothered about it.

"Oh just here and there. No where in particular. You know, Winhill, Fisherman's Horizon," he paused. "And Deling."

The grey-haired woman shook her head. It was like she could read his mind. It was obvious to her what he had stayed there for but she did not want to say it. Raijin was completely oblivious as usual and just kept talking, mainly about what had been going on since he had been away. These were the times when she found herself distanced from the two. Whilst she liked having conversations, no matter how limited they were, Raijin and Seifer could go on for hours about nothing in particular. Of course, usually Seifer would just sit and listen.

The noise level seemed to rise and the dinginess of the place made her feel depressed. Even though she was with her friends she still felt alone. A hand placed itself on top of her shoulder.

"Hey Fujin I need a favour of you." It was Seifer.

Typical she thought. _The only time he ever really wants to talk to me is when he needs something._

"That idiot Squall has only gone and invited me to that stupid ball," he said, sounding rather annoyed about it. "Says he wants to forgive and forget. God I hate him like this. Well, I need someone to go with and Raijin obviously ain't the right sort. So would you go with me?"

Fujin wanted to say no but she nodded silently. There was no point in her going to an event like that, she did not fit in. Seifer was only going there to piss Squall off in some way or another and Rinoa was also going to be there.

"It's weird ya know," Raijin started. "You've come back at the same time Rinoa has."

Seifer did not say anything. He preferred to stay quiet on this subject.

"Oh yeah!" the talkative male yelled rather ecstatically. "Have you heard the rumour? Apparently she's gonna be a SeeD ya know!"

Fujin watched as Seifer raised his head, his eyes were filled with a burning rage. Rinoa, his Rinoa, was going to train to become a bloodthirsty warrior? It just could not happen.


	5. Training

Disclaimer on first chapter.

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Actress In The Mirror

Chapter Five - Training

The training centre had been a little quiet over the past few days. People were too busy organising dates for the ball and their outfits to pick fights with monsters just to hone their fighting skills. This was why there were only three people there and two were not concentrating fully on what they were supposed to be doing. They had been in there for about two hours and all were worn out. The T-Rexaur had been getting quite bored with no one to fight so it was relishing it's moment with this lot.

The group had been trying to get out of there for some time but the monsters just kept on coming. The lone female was getting tired of it all.

"Enough fighting!" she yelled tiredly. "Can't we just call it a day and run from them all?"

The two males looked at each other and nodded in agreement. It had been a tough day and they were ready to give up fighting also. In the distance a loud, bone trembling roar pierced it's way through the air. T-rexaur was not far behind and they were in no mood to face it again.

"We can rest up out there," the man wearing the cowboy hat stated as he pointed to a door way which was just a little way off. It lead to a balcony, or the 'secret place' as it had become known as to the students.

They all ran towards the bright light which was emitting from it. Loud, thundering steps were booming in the background. The three stopped when they managed to get past the door and waited for the noises coming from the beast to stop, and when they did there was a huge sigh of relief.

"Irvine this is all your fault!" Zell shouted as his relief turned to anger. His friend looked completely baffled by this remark. "You were the one who wanted to come here!"

"Me?! You're the one who wanted to help Rinoa with her training!" Irvine argued. "If you were such the good teacher that everyone is making you out to be then maybe you would have realised that we shouldn't have come here!"

Rinoa watched as they began to squabble over something which to her seemed rather stupid. To her it just seemed a good way to train. She was a little rusty after having a couple of years without fighting and her Blast Edge was now extremely battered after her session in the training centre. She had wanted to come here with Squall but that was not to be. He was a bit busy with his work so had no time to go with her. They had spent little time together and it was strange when she would climb into her old bed and not receive a kiss goodnight. She knew when she went away that things would change at the Garden but also that certain things would stay the same. But the things she had expected to change had not and the things she had wanted to stay as they were had become more different than ever. She would, however, always believe that it would take a while before things would get back to normal.

"Rinoa? Rinoa are you OK?"

Reluctantly leaving her train of thought, Rinoa saw Irvine staring at her. His eyes were filled with concern as he wondered if the training had been too much for her. She smiled gently at him, signalling that she was fine.

"Just thinking?" he asked.

"Yeah," she answered quietly. "Just about Squall and stuff."

Zell was leaning upon the balcony and looking over at the main building. It was a beautiful sight and he wished that Quistis could be there to look at it with him. With her being 'busy' all the time though he was just glad that she had decided to go to the ball with him. He would not have gone with anyone else. He found it funny that he had only seen her as being a friend until about six months ago when he had finally got his instructors license. She was the one who had helped make him believe that he was capable of becoming a tutor and had given him all the advice he had needed to pass the test with flying colours. The fact that he was now one of the most respected instructors at Balamb Garden was something which he felt he owed to Quistis.

A loud beeping noise came from the direction of Irvine. He sheepishly took his mobile phone out of his pocket as the others looked at him. The number calling him was Selphie's and he answered immediately.

***

Selphie got up from her seat and walked out of the cafeteria whilst wiping away the tears which were streaming down her face. Her phone was quickly shoved into her small leather rucksack and her fast pace turned into a run as she wished to get away from all of those staring faces. Each pair of eyes made her feel small and insecure.

Her dormitory was the only place where she knew she would feel safe. Even though she knew that Irvine was bound to return at some point during the night a couple of hours alone was better than having to put up with these strangers. Besides, she would probably be asleep by the time he came back and in the morning would forget all about it. But was it that easy for her to?

The phone call had only lasted for about five minutes and he had been abrupt with her, almost as if he could not stand hearing her voice any longer. Three nights in a row it had been the same. Irvine had tagged along with Zell and Rinoa to help with the training, afterwards he would go out for a drink with Rinoa. Selphie could not help but think that maybe if Zell had always gone with them then she would not be feeling this way but not once had he. It was just Irvine and Rinoa. She had not thought about it this way until now. Was going out for a drink with Rinoa more important than the anniversary of their first date? They had been going out for two long years and she had always believed that he was the type of man who would never forget something like this. Was she really so wrong?

Going to Quistis had not helped. As usual for the past few weeks she had been unwilling to talk. The subject of Rinoa was something which Selphie noticed Quistis could not stand talking about. She had told her that Irvine just wanted to do some major catching up with her and that was that. But it could not be as simple as that. Years of always looking on the bright side of things now seemed to her as being stupid. If life had shown her anything it was that bad things were always bound to happen and you had to always be prepared for the worst. Was she really ready to face her greatest fear?


	6. Getting Ready

Disclaimer on first chapter.

Author's Note: Just to let you know, Rinoa will begin to have a larger role to play in this story soon (well I did plan for her to be the main character but I think I might have waffled on a bit in the story ^_^). Also, I have a feeling that some of this may get a bit confusing with how it's been written so if there's something that you don't understand then tell me and I will try to edit it. Thank you!

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Actress In The Mirror

Chapter Six - Getting Ready

Doing up the last buckle on his jacket Squall looked at himself in the mirror. His uniform looked like it was brand new but the truth was that it was a few years old. He had only worn it a couple of times and there was one occasion which really stood out. The first time he had worn it had also been the first time he had met Rinoa and the first time he believed he had fallen in love. Now things were different. He was no longer that anti-social SeeD but the headmaster of the school he had grown up in and he was also unsure of whether he really was in love.

Being the headmaster meant that there was no getting out of the ball. He was expected to be there and he was also expected to have a partner. His partner had to be Rinoa, going without her would just arouse suspicion and that was something which he did not want to do. He had heard from a few people that Quistis was also going to attend. Apparently she was going with Zell but Squall had not had the chance to ask his friend if this was true. Perhaps this was why he was a little nervous. He had not actually seen Quistis for about a week and she had not even bothered to see Rinoa so he knew the atmosphere would be quite tense.

In the mirror he saw a smiling figure wearing a short white dress and shoes. She looked excited and Squall tried his best to look as happy as she was.

"You look nice," he said feebly.

Rinoa walked up and gave him a small peck on the cheek.

"Well you look totally gorgeous," she said lovingly. "I'm going to have the most handsome partner there."

Squall's laugh was weak but she did not seem to notice. He wished for the ground to swallow him whole, this ball was the last thing he wanted to go to.

***

As Quistis brushed her golden like hair she sighed to herself. This was not a good idea at all but there was no way she could get out of it as she had already promised Zell that she would go with him. She had tried her best to steer clear of both Squall and Rinoa but tonight would be the first time she would see them both together. If she really loved Squall then would she be able to spend just a minute in the same room as the pair?

Zell was a nice guy but she questioned his reasons for asking her. Was it that he would feel more comfortable if he went with a friend? Or was it something more? She could not decide upon whether his feelings were genuine or if he was doing it just because every other member of their group had seemed to have paired up with one another.

The outfit which she was wearing was a two piece ensemble. The top was a dark red corset which laced up at the front and her skirt matched it well. It was black with an uneven hemline at the bottom. It did look as if she was dressing to impress but she had convinced herself that it was not for Squall.

She smiled to herself once she had finished putting her lipstick on. This would be the night to end it all and hopefully start a new chapter in her life.

***

Irvine knew that something was wrong with his girlfriend. She was in a bad mood and had not spoken to him once that day. He had long since been ready for the evening but she was still in the bathroom getting ready. He looked at his watch and sighed, this was going to be a long night.

In the bathroom Selphie was drying her eyes. She still could not get the idea of Irvine having an affair with Rinoa out of her head. Though she had not questioned him about it she was still convinced that it was true. Even so she was still going to go to the ball to prove a point. Irvine was not going to get one over her and she was going to make sure of it. She did not blame it all on her flirty boyfriend but indeed a lot of her anger was aimed at Rinoa. She hated the fact that she had waltzed right back into Garden and was not satisfied with having Squall and wanted Irvine as well. All Selphie wanted was for her to go back to Deling and for all of this to be forgotten. Of course, she still had to confront him and that was going to be a daunting task for her. He would obviously deny it.

Rinoa was going to be there. She knew she would, Squall would have taken her there no matter what. If she tried anything then Selphie knew that she would fly off the handle instantly so wanted to keep a distance from her. And Quistis, she was partly to blame as well. By telling her that is was all harmless was she really trying to buy both Irvine and Rinoa some time before Selphie found out? This was a nightmare. Could Quistis really be so heartless? Surely she would tell her if anything was wrong. Was she in on it too?

"Selphie!"

Irvine called at her through the door and startled her. She took a deep breath and turned the handle.


	7. The Ball Part One

Author's Note: Sorry for taking so long to update!!! I had so much stuff to do at school and stuff. Plus, this chapter turned out extra long so I've had to edit it a little and split it into 2 parts. Well enjoy anyway.

* * *

Actress In The Mirror

Chapter Seven - The Ball (Part One)

The hall had been brightly decorated for the ball with lots of banners and the floor had been polished to perfection. A couple of the waitresses were placing more drinks onto their trays as people started to enter.

Fujin was waiting for Seifer by the door. She had not made too much of an effort with her outfit as she did not see much point of her doing so. After all, Seifer was not going to notice either way. She did not fit in with the people there, not with her short greyish hair and her eye patch. This was definitely not her scene.

Everyone there looked so happy. There were loads of smiles and laughter and the band had begun to play lively music which lightened everyone's spirits but Fujin's. Why did she say she would go in the first place? Just because Seifer wanted to get under Squall's skin did not mean that she had to have a part in it.

"Hey Fujin, didn't know you were coming."

Zell smiled at her and she nodded slowly. Quistis was not too far behind him and the pair linked arms and walked out onto the dance floor. Fujin was quite surprised to see that those two had gone together but did not bother thinking about it too much.

More and more couples kept on entering but still there was no sign of Seifer. Maybe he was running late or he had changed his mind on coming. Still, she was not about to leave just yet and decided to wait about ten more minutes.

***

In the corner, Selphie sat with her arms folded as Irvine just sighed to himself. The music blaring at them, Selphie's eyes were full of anger whenever they were fixed on her 'so called' boyfriend. He had pretended not notice as he did not want to make a scene.

"So," Irvine started, "want to dance?"

"Not with you," she snapped.

She looked away from him, she could not bare to see his face any longer. Sooner or later she would have to ask him but it was just too hard.

"Look, just tell me what the problem is. Is it me? Have I done something wrong?" Irvine looked honestly concerned with his girlfriend's behaviour but she saw it as just a trick, to make her think that he had done nothing.

"Do I have to tell you?!" she yelled at him, her eyes like flames. "You must think I'm stupid!"

***

It appeared as if Rinoa was dragging Squall onto the dance floor. He truly did not want to dance. She smiled at him as they took the positions which they once had on that fateful night a couple of years ago. As they slowly began to dance, Rinoa stopped. Squall turned to see what she was staring at and wished that he could just leave but his feet were rooted to the spot.

"Oh my God!" Rinoa laughed. "Don't those two look like a perfect couple? I never noticed that before. Hey, shall we interrupt them and say hi? I haven't seen Quistis for ages!"

Rinoa lifted her heels and happily walked towards Zell and Quistis but Squall grabbed her arm in panic. Her eyes showed him that pain was felt so he loosened his grip a little.

"Sorry," he apologised solemnly. "Just leave them a while. Like you said they," he paused, not wanting to say the next few words. "They look good together so just let them have their first dance with no interruptions."

To his surprise Rinoa nodded and took hold of his hand. They began dancing again and Squall felt relieved. He was having a little trouble remembering the moves again as he had not done this for a long time and Rinoa was trying to help him.

Just as Squall felt that he was getting the hang of things he felt his back bash into another dancer. Rinoa let out a little giggle and as Squall turned round he gulped and tried to say sorry but the words just would not come out.

"Sorry," Quistis smiled nervously. "That was my fault, I should have looked where I was going."

"Don't be silly," Rinoa said cheerfully. "Squall was having a little trouble with his moves. It was totally our fault."

"Yeah, I wondered what he was trying to do," Zell laughed.

"SHUT UP!"

Squall tore himself from Rinoa's grip and walked away from the three. Both Zell and Rinoa looked shocked but Quistis knew what the problem was. He just could not put the past behind him. She watched as Rinoa ran after him, that was definitely not what he wanted. Surely now the truth was going to come out.

"What do you think all that was about?" Zell asked.

"I…I don't know," she lied. "Let's just hope that it was nothing important, eh?"


	8. The Ball Part Two

Actress In The Mirror

Chapter Eight - The Ball (Part Two)

Squall stopped walking as he reached the balcony. There was no where else for him to go and he knew that if he turned round then he would see Rinoa.

"Did we say something wrong? I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you." There she was, right on time. "I know that you have a lot of work what with your job and all but please don't shut me out. If something's stressing you out then tell me."

Completely missing the point as usual Squall thought. As she gently touched his arm he pulled her away. He did not want to hurt her, she did not deserve that. None of this mess was any of her fault, it was all his. There was no way that he could see of getting out of it either.

"Rinoa, I'm not shutting you out on purpose. I just can't think straight lately, that's all," he confessed, glancing back at the ballroom.

"Why?" Rinoa asked, sounding confused.

"Things have happened and, well, there's no easy way of saying it but some things have changed."

She nodded. A part of her had been waiting for this speech ever since she came back and even though she did not want to hear it, she could not help but feel a slight amount of relief along with her sadness.

"I understand," she said, completely baffling Squall. "You want to break up with me and I guess it's because I've been away for so long. If I'd have known that this was going to happen then I wouldn't have left at all. But tell me why. What made you feel different? Was it something more?"

"I don't know how to explain," Rinoa's eyes were full of pain and he could tell that she was only putting on a brave face to make him feel less guilty. It definitely was not working. "When you left I did a lot of thinking about things and, well, I found someone else."

Rinoa was completely astounded. She could have handled it better if he had have just told her that he felt their flame had gone out but the fact that he had fallen in love with someone else was like getting stabbed in the heart a million times.

"Y-you fell in love with someone else? What? I mean, why? I mean…..who?"

Squall knew that if he revealed who it was then she would be completely crushed. Her eyes were already swelling up with tears and he did not want to hurt her anymore than he already had.

"I can't tell you that," he said.

"You mean you just don't want to!" she shouted. "I know this person don't I?! That's why you don't want to say anything! You're a complete bastard! I hate you!"

She gulped as her tears came flooding out. Her mascara running, Squall just wanted to hug her and tell her that everything would be all right but he knew that he couldn't.

"I didn't want you to get hurt that's all," Squall revealed.

"Well you really failed there Squall," Rinoa choked. "I can't believe that someone like you would do a thing like this. And you haven't even got the guts to tell me who this new, wonderful love of your life is."

"I can't Rinoa, I've told you that."

"Just tell her Squall."

***

"You're a complete liar!"

"Look, I'm telling you the truth. Where would you get a stupid idea like that from?"

Selphie fumed as Irvine continued to argue that he was innocent. Part of her wanted to believe him but the other part was so wrapped up in the idea that he was being unfaithful.

"Irvine ever since she's come back it's been the only thing on your mind. I hardly get to see you because you're always with her and you'll always talk about her. Just give up this stupid game of yours and tell me the truth," she said, upset.

"How can I get it through to you that I already am telling you the truth?" he said angrily. "OK sure, I'll admit that maybe I have been spending more time with her than you but it's only because no one else seems to bother with her and she's getting upset about it. I'm sure that if you came back home after a couple of years then you'd be pretty annoyed it you're boyfriend ignored you and a couple of your friends wouldn't even bother to say hi."

"But what about me? I haven't gone anywhere and yet you're still ignoring me. How is that supposed to make me feel?"

Selphie could not even be bothered to hear what Irvine's reply would be. Instead she walked hastily towards the door where she would be able to leave. On the way out she bumped into Seifer. He gave her a bit of a dirty look and carried on walking until he reached Fujin who was looking as miserable as ever.

"Geez Fujin, you could have made a bit of an effort," he moaned.

Fujin looked towards the ground. Strangely it did not feel right without Raijin bursting in with some annoying comment about things.

"SORRY." She apologised.

"Ah Fuu where's not going to have this all night are we? Come on, what's the worst that will happen? Loosen up a little."

Fujin smiled a little. He had not called her 'Fuu' for quite some time and it felt good.

She took a deep breath. "Sorry, force of habit." Suddenly, all defences were down. If this was what her friend wanted her to be like for the night then this was what he was going to get. Her typical one word sentences were a barrier she had put up to make sure that no one's comments would harm her as there were obviously going to be few who would bother to get to know her. It was something which she had done since her childhood. Only Seifer was able to see the real person underneath it all.

"That's better," he smiled.

The pair went and sat down at a table which was free. They were each given drinks by a waitress.

"I wonder where Squall and Rinoa have got to?" Fujin said.

"Rinoa isn't here Fujin, don't be so stupid."

"What?"

"I saw her in Deling Fuu," Seifer's words made Fujin feel uneasy. "She's an actress now, following her dreams. There's no way that she would come back here. She told me herself. The real Rinoa isn't here anymore, the fake one has taken over."

"Seifer, what are you talking about?"

"Rinoa told me that she wants me to get rid of the fake her. She wants to go back to being her, to acting again. I have to help her."

"SEIFER."

***

Quistis stood there, waiting for Squall to say something. It seemed at though Rinoa was already beginning to get the idea.

"You have got to be kidding me," she cried. "You and her?"

Squall nodded slowly and watched as she tried desperately to grab onto the balcony to ensure that she did not lose her balance.

"What the hell is going on?" Zell asked as he came rushing over.

"I thought I told you not to come here," Quistis said, sounding annoyed.

"But I saw everyone getting upset. They're my friends too," Zell's eyes were hard for Quistis to look at. Soon enough, he would have the same problem with her. "What's going on?"

Rinoa ran over to him and held on tight as she cried into his chest. "They were having an affair," she sobbed.

"Quistis?"

She didn't say anything. His eyes looked away from her as they all stood in silence.


	9. NA

Actress In The Mirror

Chapter Nine

The full moon in the night sky was the only source of light in the rather untidy office. Squall sat with his feet on the desk messing around with his pen. There were still many forms to sign and letters to write but he had too many things on his mind. He had spent practically all of the last two weeks either in his office or his room. No one would want to see him anyway, even if he was the headmaster.

He sighed to himself and delved into his pocket to get his mobile phone. No new messages. Neither Rinoa nor Quistis had bothered to reply to his many apologies. It looked like they didn't want anything to do with him anymore.

Squall sat upright in his chair and took out the first form which lay neatly in his in tray. It was yet another plea from the cafeteria staff asking for more funding. He just grunted and threw it straight into the bin. The Garden just wasn't getting enough money for things like that anymore. The next form received the exact same treatment. If people wanted a basketball court then they should just switch to another Garden for all he cared.

As he sorted through everything he quickly came across a yellow sheet of paper known as a 'transfer slip'. Odd, he thought, who would want to transfer in the middle of the semester? At closer inspection it became all too clear. The name on the top of the sheet was Quistis Trepe and she wanted to transfer onto Galbadia Garden.

Squall clicked his pen, knowing that he should sign it but something inside him told him not to. Transferring students to other Gardens was a long process anyway as there was a lot to sort out. But with someone as well known and as admired as Quistis it should not take more than three weeks. Her teaching skills would get her in for sure.

The tip of the pen lightly touched the paper but it did not move. He slowly began to write his signature until there was a knock at the door. The slip was quickly budged underneath the many other forms and letters. Getting up Squall wondered if perhaps the person at the door was either Rinoa or Quistis. What would they want? He twisted the doorknob and as the door opened he was greeted with a cheerful looking Irvine along with a six pack of beer.

"Hey Squall! How you been? You know everyone's wondering how you are seeing as you've been cooped up in here for so long. So what's cooking?"

Irvine barged his way into the room and perched himself on the desk whilst turning the lamp on at the same time. Squall rubbed his forehead. Of all the things he didn't need right now, this was it.

"What do you want?" he asked angrily.

"Come on, you've got to move on. I know what's happened and I just don't think this is the way to handle it, that's all," the sharpshooter replied.

"You've got some nerve telling me that," Squall uttered as he closed the door. "You think what you're doing is right? Acting all happy and cheerful isn't going to make the problem go away."

"So you know," Irvine sighed sadly.

It was common knowledge in Balamb Garden of Squall and Quistis' affair but people were just as well informed with the news of Irvine and Selphie's break-up. It was Xu who had told Squall about it.

"You want to talk about it?" Squall asked as he opened up a can of beer.

***

The card remained closed. It had been sitting on the table for half an hour. The front said it all. Sorry… Sorry for what though? Why was it so important for his forgiveness? Staring at it wasn't doing any good but opening it would just make him guilty. He shoved it into his bag and swiftly left the hustle and bustle of the cafeteria to wait for Rinoa outside the training centre. She had become his top priority. Whilst he taught many of the students in Garden he taught her outside of class time as well. Today was her toughest challenge yet, going into the training centre for an hour alone. The hour was nearly up.

The bench just outside was free so he sat and waited. Ten minutes passed but there was no sign of her. Another ten but not a thing. He wanted to go in there and find out what was holding her but he knew that Rinoa would have to learn that in a real situation there is always the possibility that no one will be around to save her.

"Zell I did it!"

Cries of excitement and joy lightened up Zell's spirits as Rinoa came running out. She was smiling, something which she had not done for quite some time.

"I didn't think I could do it but I did!" she yelled. "I beat the T-Rexaur all on my own and I have you to thank for that. Thank you!"

"What are you thanking me for?" he laughed. "You're the one that did it, not me."

"But you've taught me so much. I can't thank you enough for what you've done. Thanks for just sticking by me, I know I haven't been the best person to be around lately."

Her smile faded as she found herself lost in painful memories.

"Hey, you sit here and I'll get you something to eat."

"OK."

Zell headed off in the direction of the cafeteria and Rinoa sat on the bench. His bag lay next to her and she could see something white sticking out of it. Curious as to what it was, she took it out and scanned it. Someone had given him a card. She opened it up and read it. It was a message from Quistis, the same which she had received that morning. But why was she apologising to Zell? It wasn't as if he had anything to do with it.

Rinoa put it back and sat in silence. There weren't that many people around so there was no chatter in the background, just silence. She began to hum a tune to herself and heard a rustling sound. She looked behind her at the plants but couldn't see anything unusual so thought nothing of it. Silence………….and there it was again. That same noise. She got up and primed her pinwheel, ready for action. She was sure that it was just a monster which had escaped. But there was nothing. She could not see anything moving.

She heard footsteps coming from the direction behind her so she turned round to tell Zell about it.

"Zell, I must be going crazy but I keep hearing this noise and………."

Her voice trailed off as her eyes stared in horror at what was standing in front of her. Its eyes stared right back but they were cold and heartless.

"Wh - who are you?" she asked, her voice trembling.

"Who do you think? The question is, who are you?"


	10. Inner Truths

Actress In The Mirror

Chapter Ten - Inner Truths

I saw it, why won't anyone believe that I saw it? So they sent me here…what good will it do? Just because I saw one thing it doesn't automatically make me crazy. And no my mind isn't playing tricks on me because I know I'm not that depressed. I should have kept quiet, then they wouldn't have booked me this stupid appointment. "We think it's for the best. This might become a habit, it's better to be safe than sorry." Ha, what do they know? I mean, look at who's making me do this. One can't maintain a stable relationship because of his reputation as a ladies man and the other is so obsessed with his food that he gets upset if he can't have a hot dog a day. They're the ones who need to be here, not me.

Why does he keep staring at me like that? Does he think I'm mad too? Well I'm not! I don't know why you're here but I'm definitely not a crackpot. This is just crazy, I've been here for half an hour and my appointment was supposed to be fifteen minutes ago. Maybe I should just leave. But then again, Irvine and Zell wouldn't be too pleased with me. So I should just do this for them? Oh here comes the nurse. It must be me next. I can't stand waiting here any longer.

"Miss Heartilly, the doctor is ready to see you now."

Finally, its time to see the guy who's going to cure my supposed 'mental disorder'. Why this huge corridor just to get to his room? And it smells of coffee too. I hate that smell, it reminds me of my dad……no……General Caraway. He never could get by without the stuff but mum never used to mind. Hmph, that's bound to be a question this so called doctor is going to ask me. "Tell me about the relationship you have with your parents." There's nothing to tell. All he has to is take one look at me and tell me to go home.

"Good afternoon Miss Heartilly, sorry to keep you waiting."

Ok, so at least he's polite. And not as old as I was expecting either. What's the deal with all these books? Has he ever actually read them all? Ugh…I'm starting to sound like Squall.

"Please sit down."

What, don't I get the sofa? I have to sit in a normal everyday chair? Hmm…maybe he can tell already. Looks like we're getting off to a good start.

"Now then, let's begin. I'm going to ask you a set of simple questions first of all and then we will discuss this problem you have."

There is no problem! How long is it going to take before people realise this?

"Can you tell me your name please?"

"Rinoa Heartilly."

***

Seifer looked over the balcony at the students in Garden. He envied those who were wearing the glorious SeeD uniform which he had always longed to wear. But it was never meant to be. His dreams had been shattered by his close rival Squall and it was never likely that he would be able to pick everything up and start anew. No, Squall had stolen everything which was dear to him. Everything.

"SEIFER?"

"Yo Seifer, we were looking for you ya know."

Fujin and Raijin just couldn't leave him alone. What was it that they found so special about him that they had to always be by his side? He would never understand it that was for sure.

"What do you two want now?" he asked annoyedly.

The pair looked at each other and Fujin pushed Raijin forward.

"Well, we were worried about you. You've been kinda distant ya know. What's the problem?"

"There is no problem! How long is it going to take before you realise this? Can't I just have a moments peace?"

"SEIFER. FRIENDS."

Fujin grabbed hold of and held tightly to his hand. She just wanted to know that he was all right and that what had been spoken about at the ball had just blown over. She hated to see him like this, so distant and cold.

"I know, I know. Maybe I have been a bit distant lately and I'm sorry but I have other things to do. Don't take this the wrong way." Seifer's words relieved Fujin as well as scaring her at the same time. What did he mean by having other things to do?

Raijin pulled on Fujin's arm and told her that they didn't have all day to chat seeing as they had made plans to go fishing at Balamb harbour. They said their goodbyes to Seifer and walked off.

Seifer stayed where he was. He didn't have anywhere to go, he was just waiting.

"Seifer!"

He turned round and saw a short young girl wearing a beautiful dress. It was blue at the top with a pale yellow skirt. In her hair she wore a red headband.

"Rinoa, how did it go?" he asked quickly, wanting to know the details.

"Pretty well but there were a few problems which need to be sorted out," the girl answered.

"Anything you say."

"I think I got through but there were a couple of people who shortened my stay. Deal with them."

Seifer's eyes narrowed and he let out an evil smile. He put his hand inside his jacket and carefully drew out his gunblade. The metal was sharp and his hand slotted into the trigger perfectly. He was ready for action. As he was about to leave she placed her hand in front of him.

"Aren't you forgetting something, my knight?"

Their eyes met and he bent down to kiss her passionately.

Fujin walked down the corridor to get to Raijin's dorm. He had forgotten to pick up the fishing bait and was so eager to get the right spot that he had sent her to get it. As she turned to go to the lift she saw Seifer with the girl. That dress she was wearing, Fujin was sure she had seen it somewhere before. But where and just why was he with her?

***

"Yeah, it was a big shock…I guess maybe it could have triggered something in my mind. Like, I wish I'd never gone back there. But why would she have said that? That's what I don't understand."

To her surprise Rinoa had actually found her time with the psychiatrist useful. He had answered her questions about what she had seen and she now believed that it truly was just to do with her break up with Squall yet there were still some parts of the puzzle which didn't fit together.

"You'll have to figure that out for yourself. If you see anything again then be sure to give me a ring."

"OK," she smiled.


End file.
